Hmmm, that coffee’s been sitting there for a while. Maybe I should take it to the table myself.
“Coffee away!”
Hmmm still nobody coming to get it. I think I’m going to take it myself.
“Drinks up!”
Still no one. Shit! OK just go to straight to the table and don’t look anyone in the eye.
“Hi guys, who’s got the flat white?”
“That’s mine thanks.”
“There you go.” GO, GO, GO!
“Excuse me?”
Shit! “Hi”
“Can I order with you?”
“Er I’m really just… sure. What would you like?”
“What’s the soup of the day?”
Shit! “I’ll just find out. Charlotte, what’s the soup of the day?”
“Spicy pumpkin.”
“Thanks. It’s spicy pumpkin ladies.”
“Ooh no, I’ll have the chopped salad.”
“OK and for you madam.”
“I’ll have the corn fritters. No, the hotcakes. No, the cornfritters. Oh I don’t know it all looks so delicious, ha ha ha.”
“Ha ha ha I know what you mean!” Shit! “Can’t go wrong with the hotcakes.”
“OK I’ll have the hotcakes. You couldn’t bring us some more water please?”
“Sure.” For fuck’s sake!
“My fork’s dirty.”
“Just a jiffy.”
“Can we have another round of coffees?”
“Sure thing.”
“I didn’t want ice in my coke.”
“Let me just fix that for you.”
“Is there dairy in the cornichon dressing?”
“I’ll just find out for you.”
Never, ever leave the bar.
