The sad face of dairy addiction in soho


It is a typical SoHo scene. Empty milk crates strewn across the labyrinthine streets – a telling sign of the dairy addiction crisis bringing this inner-city paradise to its knees.

David once did CGI animation on Hollywood blockbusters but after losing his job to a trained monkey he now sells black-market milkshakes.

“We just take the milk from where ever we can. Yeah sure small businesses will suffer but the money I make selling shakes to the addicts is double what I earned animating water textures for the Narnia franchise.”

Local coffee cart owner Rob had his milk delivery stolen just this morning.

“They took 10 litres of whole milk – it’s really going to put me behind. They left the semi-skimmed so they definitely knew what they were doing.”

According to government data more than 2 people die from milkshake overdoses every year.

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2 Responses to The sad face of dairy addiction in soho

  1. Simon says:

    Get a cow. And a stool (three legs).

  2. Phil says:

    The dairy heist of August twenty-ten is little remembered these days, as for all intensive purposes it seemed to be a usual petty theft by run of the mill scag heads with a penchant for lactose. However some have begun to speculate that it was this fateful day which was the catalyst that turned formerly starry eyed and peaceful Robbie Todd into the Demon Barista of Rupert Street. Stalking the rain slicked cobbles of Soho at night. Sulking in pitch darkness, ‘cept for the triple glimmer reflecting off his dull carving knife, sharp teeth and sharper piercing stare.

    He vowed on that very day to seek out the ones who snatched his beloved whole milk from him, leaving only a bottle of semi-skinned and sadness behind. He vowed with every ounce of darkness he could muster (not a whole lot really) that he would find them. Lure them into a vulnerable state with the aroma of a flawless ristretto, then when sufficiently hypnotised into a caffeinated blindness he’d hollow out their chests with his blade and rip forth their hearts just as they had done to him when they stole his WHOLE MILK!

    “A new day brings new milk” – source unknown

    Rob are you familiar with ?

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