It is a typical SoHo scene. Empty milk crates strewn across the labyrinthine streets – a telling sign of the dairy addiction crisis bringing this inner-city paradise to its knees.
David once did CGI animation on Hollywood blockbusters but after losing his job to a trained monkey he now sells black-market milkshakes.
“We just take the milk from where ever we can. Yeah sure small businesses will suffer but the money I make selling shakes to the addicts is double what I earned animating water textures for the Narnia franchise.”
Local coffee cart owner Rob had his milk delivery stolen just this morning.
“They took 10 litres of whole milk – it’s really going to put me behind. They left the semi-skimmed so they definitely knew what they were doing.”
According to government data more than 2 people die from milkshake overdoses every year.