Monthly Archives: November 2010

Fuck you cold

I’ve got fingerless gloves motherfucker. I admit the tips of my digits are slightly numb and fully-fingered gloves would have been warmer but it just means you can see my defiance clearer when I flip you the bird. I’ve got … Continue reading

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An exercise in misdirection

I had only just started telling him how to get there and he already wanted to leave. He erupted into fidgety spasms, as I explained how he would have to navigate five sets of traffic lights. His feet were already … Continue reading

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Asif’s massif mo

My friend Asif is doing the whole movember thing. It’s hairy people like him stopping me from growing my own. My facial hair looks like someone has emptied a hoover bag on my chin. Anyway he is a great guy … Continue reading

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I heart souvenirs

I love souvenirs. My mate Geoff bought me this and I think the cart is happier than ever. He even left the price on to let me know how much he cares.

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A chancer’s hustle

Not exactly sure what he does but I see him everyday. He stands around telling people about respect or waving a friendly hello to the Rupert Street familiar. One day the wind robbed me in broad daylight sending a flutter … Continue reading

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I should call myself the Prostitute Allocation Service

“Oi tell me bruv, tell me yeah. Where. Can. I. Get. A. Girl,” “I don’t really know.” “Aw come on bruv. You’re living life on the streets, you’re here 24/7…” “Well you could…” “You’ve got your ear to the ground, … Continue reading

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Street Barista survival skill #3 – the illusion of awakeness

Making coffee in the open air is tiring work. But with a whole host of predators stalking Soho’s streets it is imperative never to drop one’s guard. During my travels in central India I saw farm workers with faces painted … Continue reading

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Barking up the wrong tree

“Ladies sir?” “You’re barking up the wrong tree here boys.” “What are you a faggot of something?” “Uh yeah. We are in soho.”

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Street Barista survival skills #2 – breakfast

It is a well documented fact someone threatening to stab you makes you burn calories. And no one in the free world gets offered a shanking more than a Street Barista. When this situation arises, whether you choose fight or … Continue reading

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Street Barista survival skill #1 – the milk-bottle-hot-water-bottle

The milk bottle hot water bottle is an essential tool in the battle against the street trader’s most pressing grumble – the cold. Usually used to warm toes and hands, I prefer to stuff it down my pants. It stops … Continue reading

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