Fuck you cold

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I’ve got fingerless gloves motherfucker. I admit the tips of my digits are slightly numb and fully-fingered gloves would have been warmer but it just means you can see my defiance clearer when I flip you the bird. I’ve got a gold puffer too bitch. It makes me look really fat but it has been stuffed with the down of 100 geese so my torso can’t even feel you any more. 100 geese died because of you. Avian blood on your hands. People want to hug me when I wear it so now I’m getting more love too. That back-fired on you didn’t it you sorry excuse for a meteorological event. Ha! I’m not even wearing thermals yet – it’s a joke. I just wish you weren’t so damn beautiful. Your crystal frost, your crisp morning air, your fleeting golden sun. I can say it now. I’m bigger than that. I’ll let you sting my face with your icy touch but that’s it.

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5 Responses to Fuck you cold

  1. Tom says:

    That was truly a laugh out loud post!!

    Rob says: “you can see my defiance clearer when I flip you the bird”

    brilliant!!

  2. John says:

    Ha ha! Love it!

    Power to the puffer!

  3. Ben Miller says:

    You ought to buy one of those wearable duvet suits 🙂

  4. Georgia says:

    You promised that jacket would not leave the cupboard. Cute post. You should blog about fashion more often. Roblockyearwears? X

  5. Gimme the down; I want the down.

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